The Scariest Appointment: Early Pregnancy Scan After IVF

The stims are over, retrieval is over, waiting on the embryos is over, waiting for FET cycle is over, embryo transfer is over, the tww is over, pregnancy test was positive!!!!

Two more stellar betas, HCG is climbing perfectly.

The first scan was scheduled 18 days after first beta.

I’m really getting used to this pregnancy thing. I got a new meditation app, I’ve been walking every day. I haven’t had any severe symptoms, just some minor differences in energy level, hunger, slightly tender breasts.

6 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

Hubby and I went to our clinic for a 10:30 am appointment. The medical assistant asked me to empty my bladder before the ultrasound. It was the LPN that did the scan.

I saw the gestational sac, wow this is so cool. I saw the yolk sac, OMG I’m so excited.

Measuring, hmm it’s a little small… “I can’t find a heartbeat”.

My happiness started to fade. She explained maybe were just a little early. We’ll have you come back for a scan with the doctor she said. She said sometimes FET embryos are just a little slower. “Don’t panic”….

I let the words wash over me, they suggested I come back the next day.. I said I couldn’t take time off of work so I asked to be seen on Saturday. The admired how calm I was, indicating most people would be extremely nervous/anxtious. I was thinking what difference is 1 day going to make..

So I was scheduled to come back on Saturday, I’ll be 7 weeks.

After we left the clinic it hit me. This is it… the pregnancy isn’t viable. I’m having a “missed miscarriage”.

I tried to keep guarded and not get my hopes up… but 18 days I was pregnant.. now.. I don’t know.. I hope I am.. back to waiting, nervous, scared.

I cried, multiple times. I told my family members some were optimistic, some were pessimistic, some were indifferent but you could tell they knew that was bad to not see a heartbeat.

Tomorrow morning I go back for another scan. I’m hoping we’ll see that beautiful fluttering heartbeat. I’ve never wanted anything more. I don’t know if I will. I know many many women suffer early losses, I might be one of them now.

 

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