8 days after transfer I took a home pregnancy test (in the middle of the day). It was negative. 9 days after transfer I took a home pregnancy tests (with FMU) it was negative. I drove to my clinic and had my “official” beta blood test. I was holding up ok, trying not to let the negatives get to me, but letting the failure set in quietly.
Then they called. It was positive! my HCG was 111. I was floored, I didn’t believe the words the nurse was saying it took me a minute to process what I was actually hearing. I felt so happy I cried. I was so sure that this would never work, that it would be another failure, just another “cycle”.
I had a blood test set up for 2 days later. I told the people closest to me that it was positive. I was pretty clear to them that this doesn’t mean I’ll be definitely bringing home a baby in 9 months.
Still guarded, not letting my hopes get up.
2 days later numbers more than doubled to 360. Another blood test in a week and ultrasound in 2.5 weeks.
I think to myself that this is looking promising. I’ve never had a miscarriage so why am I so afraid that I will? I’ve also never been pregnant, not even a little bit, no chemical, no early loss. I guess I just expect the worst.
Does this seem too good to be true? Do I really think I’ll never get to have my own healthy baby? I try to fight off these thoughts through meditation and keeping active.
It really is hard to wrap your head around actually being pregnant after trying for sooo manny yearrss. It feels like a dream, but not one of those good dreams that your pregnant and feel peaceful. More like you know it’s a dream and your going to be woken up soon.
I take home pregnancy tests every few days just to check I’m still pregnant.
Hopefully with time this will pass and it will start to feel more real.
I’m hoping to start feeling strongly about the pregnancy once I can see the heart beat. IF there is a heartbeat.
I want to start planning, I want to build a nursery, I want to do all the things I’ve been waiting for but I just feel in limbo.
It’s like I’m still in the 2ww but better, I actually have a real hope, a real confirmed pregnancy.